Had you asked the question twenty-something years ago, the answer would have been simple. Never.

Hubby grew up in the country of Oklahoma. He longed to own land to do as he pleased without the inevitable suburban busybodies sticking their noses into his business.

To give you an idea of how obnoxious close neighbors can be, here are a few memorable examples.

One morning, Hubby opened the garage door to find our crazy neighbor on a ladder sawing a limb off our black walnut tree. Although the tree was inside our property line, it had the audacity to grow limbs over the crazy guy’s side.

The tree did not shed or in any way impede the guy’s life, or endanger his house or roof. The man did not like the tree limb looming over his property line.

When Hubby asked him what he was doing (a rhetorical question), the fellow began yelling about the tree. At one point, the guy grabbed one of his golf clubs and threatened Hubby with it.

Fearless Hubby told the man, “Go ahead. Hit me.”

Based on the man’s irrational behavior, all his law enforcement training must have slipped his mind. It seems the guy was a former detective until a shooting injury in the line of duty forced him to retire. Welcome to the neighborhood.

Eventually, the crazy man backed down and returned to his house, slamming the door behind him. One can only hope the door gave him a firm kick in his backside.

A female neighbor who lived a few doors down from our house was dubbed the neighborhood busybody. By a strange twist of fate, the woman who had no shame got a job at the school administration offices. Until someone caught her looking up the personal information of everyone who lived in our area.

We never heard if they fired the woman, but with her wily tongue, she probably found a way to save her job.

Lest we forget, a couple of our neighbors turned out to be quite colorful, when it came to their lifestyles.

Following his divorce, one guy hosted wild parties every weekend. Aside from the parade of female guests, he always had a red light flashing in his front window. The guy was not aiming for a classy party theme.

The other colorful neighbor was married and divorced, so often we lost count of the number of wives. One wife caught everyone’s attention because she was not only a well-proportioned beauty, but she always mowed the front lawn in a tiny white bikini.

A friend lived across the street from bikini lady. As she stood in front of her house staring at the young woman, the next door neighbor’s husband joined her in the watch party. When the married guy proceeded to describe all the things he wanted to do to the bikini lady, our friend came close to experiencing good old fashioned palpitations.

In spite of the antics of folks who lived under each other’s armpits, it took Hubby a while to persuade his wife to move. The lady liked her creature comforts and assumed all country homes were rundown shacks and outhouses. She liked her creature comforts.

Imagine her surprise when Hubby found a huge property complete with a beautiful modern house. The built-in bookcases in every room except the bathrooms convinced her. She agreed to move and live in the country.

The property has a five-acre stocked lake where Hubby could “drop a hook in the water” whenever the urge to fish was too strong to resist.

Now cattle and their calves graze in the pastures, along with the donkey family to keep them safe from coyotes. One of the bulls earned the nickname of “Stupid” because he does not know what his job requirements are. Or, maybe he cannot figure out the logistics of the process.

The other day a mockingbird couple frantically fluttered around the lady of the manor because she found their nest with four blue eggs in it and took pictures. It beat dealing with golf club-wielding neighbors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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