The old geezer, known as Father Time, shuffles off the stage leaving the world in the hands of the incompetent whippersnapper – the New Year Urchin in the Saggy Diapers. By the time the Kid matures into an old geezer, the cycle starts anew.

While this bit of barely noticed action takes place, the world throws a giant party. Many hope to have a good time, and the vats of alcohol will wash away all their troubles. Once the numbing and pickling process is complete, certain types of behavior may follow that they cannot and may not want to recall.

The question is: “What are they celebrating?”

Are the world’s inhabitants celebrating because they look forward to new beginnings and new opportunities? Do they believe all of their troubles will shuffle off into the great beyond along with Father Time? Do they think Saggy Britches will drag comfort and joy into the world ripe with pain, sorrow, and a general disconnect from reality? Will he tell us to kiss all of our mistakes goodbye? Will he urge us to go forth into the New Year and stop being stupid? If he cared, he ought to do just that. But, he will not or cannot. After all, he is still in diapers.

So, what happens the morning after the big celebration?

Countless unfortunates pay homage to the Porcelain Goddess for what may seem like an eternity in Hell. Pharmacies enjoy a brisk business in medicine for headaches, upset stomachs, and dehydration. Post celebrant folk are less than cheerful. They do not appreciate their perky, bright-eyed friends who try to interfere with the cloud of misery and gloom under which the post party folk prefer to hide.

Once the party folk recover from the after effects of too much celebrating, reality bangs on the door. Suddenly, the revenge of the holidays makes its appearance. Aside from the bills of Christmas Past coming due, the Ghost of Scrumptious Meals and Desserts cheerfully pats your now ample butt and gut.

It is possible the Ghost of Resolutions Made and Broken is the most menacing or unsettling of them all because this Ghost never seems to go away. It looms over the rest of the year. The Ghost of Christmas Past is unsettling, and seeing all those bills in one mighty pile of overindulgence can be a painful experience. But once the Christmas bills are vanquished, we can look forward to creating new debt. Oh, what fun!

The most troublesome of the Ghosts is the one created by the countless scrumptious meals and desserts because this Ghost is the sidekick of the Ghost of Resolutions Made and Broken.

An entire industry thrives because of the two Ghosts. The Magic Potion industry is all about diet, exercise, and the countless plans to resculpt our bodies into the perfection they never enjoyed. The Magic Potion industry continues to make people believe in effortless, quick weight loss programs.

Clearly, the folks who buy prepackaged meals, pills, and drinks that promise to wash away the unwanted poundage in weeks are delusional. It may have taken a few weeks to gain that padding, but it will take far longer to lose it.

The Magic Potion industry used to kick into high gear with the advent of the New Year. But lately, they bombard us with advertising and enticing emails before the holidays are in full swing. They may think such advertising will prod folks not to overindulge, but that outcome is rarely the case.

As you can see, the Ghosts of Scrumptious Meals and Desserts and Resolutions Made and Broken are in cahoots. They know we will suffer temporary pangs of guilt and sign up for one plan and exercise program or another, but such efforts fall to the excuses of bad weather of the need to sleep in.

Before we know it, the old geezer is shuffling off to geezer pastures and Droopy Diapers comes crawling in. See, nothing changes except the number of the year.

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