If you claim to be human, you will make a mistake or two in your life.
This writer readily confesses she has made mistakes in the past, does so now, and will probably continue to make blunders in the future. The most important thing is to own those unintentional errors and possess the ability to laugh at yourself.
Mother was in the midst of baking some Hungarian goodies. Please note, Europeans tend to cook and bake with wine, beer, rum, and other items one can purchase in the Stupor Market.
As our mother prepared to mix the ingredients, she discovered she needed brandy for the recipe. Her teenage daughter offered to go to the store and buy her a bottle. “Thank you, but you can’t legally buy alcohol,” mother cautioned. “Of course, I can,” the determined young female replied as she walked out the door.
“Hi, Mr. Palucci, I need a small bottle of brandy.” The man looked at the girl and asked, “How old are you?”
“Sixteen,” she proudly replied. The Stupor Market owner confirmed her mother’s assumption, “I’m sorry, you are a minor. I can’t sell alcohol to you.”
“But it’s for my mother,” the girl replied, barely suppressing the urge to stamp her foot. It was a good thing the two families were friends, or else her mother might have gotten a questionable reputation for sending her child to buy her booze.
The family’s favorite story about one of their mother’s blunders was the time she purchased some items from the hardware store. When the clerk told Mother the total cost of her purchases, she asked, “Did you add the sex?” Who would not wish they had been present to see the clerk’s reaction?
Although we were citizens and lived in America for several decades, mother sometimes misused words. Perhaps it was a matter of linguistic confusion. What she meant to ask, “Did you add the tax?”
When this lady was a radio disk jockey, the show was live, and so were the blunders. The job included cueing up and playing records (as in the old vinyls), preparing and delivering the news and sports, along with other studio tasks.
That day was particularly hectic, as evidenced by the following on-air announcement.
“It’s 6:30 and time for the nude headlines.” It was a slip of the tongue, perhaps even a Freudian slip. But be assured it did not describe the disk jockey’s attire or lack thereof. She meant to say “news headlines.”
A couple of recent events affirmed that this lady continues to blunder her way through life, and loves every minute of it because she makes people laugh.
On a recent excursion to the grocery store, she wore a workshop mask as a small barrier between herself and the great unwashed. (Since it is next to impossible to find liquid soap in the stores, one can only conclude that handwashing was not a priority for folks in the past.)
When she arrived home, she examined the ugly white mask. With the intension of jazzing up the face covering, the lady of the manor took a red Sharpie and drew a mouth and fangs.
Quite proud of her creativity, she put on the mask, took the first selfie of her entire life, and sent it to her children and grandchildren.
Within minutes the telephone rang. “Mom, you are wearing the mask upside down,” her daughter said without the niceties of a greeting, but her laughter was unmistakable. So rude.
“You know I’m not technically adept,” the mother replied.
The most recent blunder could be the result of stupidity or another unfortunate episode in the never-ending series of faux pas in her life.
In Texas, when we renew our car tags, the state sends us a sticker for the windshield. A simple process, right? The genius woman took a razor blade and peeled off the old sticker. Halfway through the process, she realized she removed the permanent toll tag rather than the car tag sticker. After a mortifying call to the toll tag office, they promised the new decal would arrive soon in the mail.