The presidential election cycle is many things, but it is unavoidable. What’s more, the entire process is annoying and lasts too long.

Think of all the trees that give their lives in the service of the dudes or dudettes yearning to wield their power over the people. This devastation is known as begging for voters’ support, burying them in mailers.

If you live in a cave or your mother’s basement, you may not know this wasteful process is cyclical. The trees are cut, become pulp, and eventually paper. Then the paper is covered in meaningless words extolling the fabricated virtues of the candidates. The mailers go to the voters, who grimace and shred this unsolicited trash. Then the shredded paper is recycled.

All of the candidates engage in the time-honored but unholy ritual of electioneering, which entails running, kicking, screaming and otherwise behaving in a less than presidential manner. Eventually, one battered candidate from each party is left standing on top of the ravaged carcasses of his or her opponents.

This unholy war has existed from the moment self-important folks decided they should be The One. Back in the days of caveman the desire to be Numero Uno was simple. One unkempt, animal skin covered person thumped the other until one of them stopped breathing. It was all so simple back then. And it was quick.

But then, the world became civilized. Rather than murdering their opponents, they destroy each other’s good name (if they ever had one). This modern, bloodless, and more efficient form of power grabbing is known as politics as usual. Yes, it is bloodless, but far more brutal than a well-placed knock on the opponent’s skull.

Where politics is concerned, candidates are not the only curiosities. The two political parties are odd ducks as well.

Presidential elections are the only time Republicans manage to grow a spine and other temporary appendages. The best way to describe this party is cannibalistic. They eat their own. Once a candidate is victorious, by hook or crook, then all Republicans are expected to close ranks behind the chosen one to get that person elected.

But, there is a problem. Why do you suppose the elephant is the GOP’s symbol? According to old lore, Republicans believe the elephant is strong and dignified. The reality is if the GOP had common sense and a permanent spine, they would realize the elephant is bigger and more powerful than the jackass. The elephant could be victorious with one well-placed stomp.

Often, avid supporters of GOP candidates who succumbed to the brutality of the campaign choose not to vote. A perfect example of rigid people unable to see past their own bent out of shape noses. When you do not vote for the GOP’s chosen candidate, you lose. How hard is that?

One odd trait of the GOP, whether they win or lose, is they act like losers. They are willing to sing “Kumbaya” with the Dems. On the other hand, the Dems only join the sing-a-long when the GOP buckle to their will and slither across the aisle.

In contrast to the GOP, once the Democrats agree on their candidate, the faithful close ranks behind the party nominee. The objectors may not choose to vote, but they refrain from being too vocal with any negative thoughts on the matter. Why? Negative things give weapons to the opposition. Something the GOP does not understand.

According to Democrat lore, the donkey is smart and brave. In truth and whether they win or lose, the Dems are stubborn and always behave like winners. They have the tenacity of junkyard dogs and give no quarter. From their perspective, it’s their way or the highway. Now that is some serious spine!

The constant battle for political power is smoke and mirrors, signifying nothing when it comes to benefiting the country. Consequently, many have turned their backs on the entire mess to form a party of their own, the ADD Party — Amused, Disappointed, and Disgusted.

In other words, they don’t give a damn.


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