It is a fact of life. Whether you are a new bride or a seasoned homemaker, kitchen and household whoopsies happen.

Our first home was a 6-room rental with a decent size front yard and an enormous backyard. The backyard had several trees and a contraption known as a clothesline. Hubby’s mother claimed nothing smelled better than sheets dried on the line. So, the new bride believed Mom and hung the white sheets outside.

Imagine her surprise when she discovered bird poop all over the formerly clean sheets. While Mom waxed poetic about the fresh-smelling sheets, she never mentioned the likelihood of the unexpected presents from the birds leaving those indelible telltale brownish circles. Permanent stains as in the spots will never come out unless you cut them out with scissors, which is a bit drastic even for a new bride. From that day on, she washed and dried her sheets in gadgets popularly known as a washer and dryer. With the addition of preferred scents and no bird poop.

Now let’s discuss the smell. The bride gagged at the supposedly wonderful outdoorsy smell. Years later when the urchins came along, they had the same nasty smell after playing outside.

A clean and tidy home and yard was something she strived to maintain. The entire house had wood floors which she mopped and waxed every day. The bride thought that is what a homemaker had to do.

As for the yard, they did not own a lawnmower, but the grass needed cutting. So, she took hedge clippers and trimmed the front lawn. The lawn looked great, and she thanked the gods it was much smaller than the quarter acre backyard. Following that adventure, the in-laws gave the couple a lawnmower.

After they purchased a house, the bride decided to plant green peppers. She was somewhat surprised when the peppers grew into colorful red and yellow ones instead of the expected green.

Delighted by her accomplishment, she tossed a generous handful of peppers into the scrambled eggs the next morning. She placed Hubby’s plate on the table, then turned to get her serving of eggs and peppers.

Hubby tasted the food and waited for his bride to join him for breakfast. After the first forkful of peppers and eggs passed her lips, she flailed about gasping. Instead of sweet green peppers, the colorful produce turned out to be hot. After her sneaky spouse had his taste, he waited to see her reaction. Short of calling the fire department, even their lips burned the rest of the day.

Over the years, the kitchen mishaps diminished to the occasionally burnt toast. It was then the bride shared her mother’s mind-boggling philosophy on burnt toast, which was a common occurrence in their home. “It is good for the complexion.”

“Then why do I have zits?” Her sister often asked in a stage-whisper.

The smart-mouth brother’s quip went over better with their mother. “You treat me like a Greek god and serve me burnt offerings for breakfast.”

One rule new brides, as well as seasoned brides, must remember. Do not leave the kitchen when something is on the stove. It is a reasonable guideline. But if one is a multi-tasker, rules go by the wayside when the lady states “I will be back in a minute.”

The thing about one minute is it tends to multiply into several minutes or even a half hour.

Imagine how your grown children would react if you told them “I burned the hardboiled eggs.”

After the laughter died down, the mother went on to explain “I burned two batches of hardboiled eggs because I lost track of time. In fact, the shells were beyond singed. There were brown spots on the shells and the eggs inside. You could say they looked somewhat unappetizing.”

Our son turned to his wife, the fantastic Michelin trained chef, “My Mom burned the hardboiled eggs.”

Can you believe the woman laughed?





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