The mind goes where it wants to go. The process is random and messy, not unlike walking your dog.

Since our dog is a free spirit, he drags the person holding the leash hither and yon. You have to love those two words — hither and yon. The stream of life is very much a matter of going here and there or to and fro; wherever and whichever direction it tugs you. Once you slip out of the sloshing safety of the womb, you belong to the wiles of the stream until it dumps you into the ocean of eternity. (See what I mean about the mind wandering?)

Are you ready to jump on the moving sidewalk and see where the mental wandering leads us?

If anyone has a medical procedure that involves putting the patient under for a long or short nap (depending on the process), then the instructions from the doctor include “Do not operate any machinery in the next few hours.”

Because the spouse of the patient in question could not zip her lip, she smiled at him as the words tumbled out with glee. “That means you can’t mess with the remote control tonight.” Well, the nurse thought it was funny.

Later, true to his gender’s inclinations, the remote control was clutched in his possessive hand before the front door closed. The spell of that gadget is subtle and far more insidious than sedation could ever be.

While we are in the proximity of a television screen, do some commercials bother you beyond mere annoyance?

Hubby strongly dislikes the Allstate commercial depicting a family in their car. Everyone is attached to some electronic device, except the father who is driving and kvetching. Hubby complains that the statements are untrue because the claim is you receive a “bonus” check if you are a good driver. “Bonus means a payment over and above what is due. The consumer pays the insurance company a sizable premium for possible protection rather than the company paying the customer. (Now that would be a miracle!) The term should be a rebate rather than a bonus.

The wife thinks the commercial is funny and the guy is cute.

Some commercials and situation comedies promote disrespect — children for adults and adults for one another.

A pizza commercial shows a stern little boy ensconced in an armchair, waiting for his father to bring him a pizza. The father, wearing a #1 Dad cap, claims the pizza was a great deal. The boy rattles off what he thinks is a great deal and the father visibly crumbles. The kid snaps his little fingers; the father bows his head, and the pampered brat strips off #1 from the man’s cap.

As a lesson in humility and respect, demanding people, whether kids or adults, deserve to have the pizza dumped on their heads. Do not hold your breath for that miracle to occur. But we can dream, can’t we?

Watching baseball games on television is similar to televised Russian roulette.

Folks with a high center of gravity and no common sense lunge to catch balls. Some are lucky, but some are injured or killed in the process because they tip over the railings. What were they thinking?

The last baseball game ends. What do fans do when their team did not make it to the playoffs? After all, 162 games is a significant investment. Do they pick a default team to cheer on? Guess some go through withdrawal until spring training starts in April.

They could start a new hobby. Read the books they planned to read. Or play the what-book-are-you-reading game with friends. Some will say “I don’t like to read.” Others may claim they only read non-fiction books. Then, your next question is “Why?” Did you know blank expressions can be quite eloquent?

Time to rein in those random thoughts. But before we do, the next time you go to a restaurant ask yourself how many unwashed hands touched the salt shaker you just picked up?